Like Chaucer's travelers to Canterbury, a company of folks are heading to Jerusalem with Jesus in the 40 day pilgrimage Christians call Lent. Each week during Sunday worship, Crescent Fort Rouge United will meet one of that company in a monologue. This Sunday, we hear from Emperor Tiberius Caesar Augustus (with files from William K. Wolfrum Chronicles).
Good morning, members of the press.
I will make a brief statement. Because this is a matter of national security, I will not respond to any questions after giving this statement.
There will be no investigation into the alleged torture of the enemy of Rome known as Jesus of Nazareth, A.K.A. “king of the Jews.” We want to assure you that his treatment does not meet our Empire’s definition of torture as defined by our policy manual Advanced Crucifixion Techniques.
Thus, no charges will be brought against members of the Sanhedrin, Pontius Pilate or Herod Antipas. These operations were carried out within the parameter of legal opinions provided by the best scholars of the Empire. The Advanced Crucifixion Techniques memos represent a careful policy decision made in the proper place by our intelligence agencies and our Justice Department.
Nothing we have done violates the Empire’s law. We again want to assure you that his crimes pose a genuine threat to national security.
We hold the family of Judas Iscariot, our courageous informant, in our thoughts and prayers.
That is all. Thank you.
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